Rythmns of Grace
Do you ever wrestle with mommy guilt, being overwhelmed and at the end of the day, hoping you are doing enough, especially in the area of teaching your kids about Jesus?
The good news is that the gospel frees us from the pressure to perform and it reminds us that we will never be a perfect parent, nor we can we fix our kids, make them choose to eat their veggies, let alone choose to follow Jesus with their whole heart. But we can continually point them to Jesus in everyday messy mom life, and one key way we do this is by creating rhythms.
Establishing rhythms of grace has become a central aspect of my motherhood in a very concerted effort to push back against my mommy guilt and the tendency of my heart to try to fix things with a more legalistic approach. These rythmns help point kids back to Jesus in the flow of life, teaching and modeling for them how to depend on Jesus and live for the glory of God. When we establish rhythms vs. schedules, we are more likely to implement the heart behind it, instead of keeping a rule just for the sake of keeping the rule, and trusting the rule to fix vs. the Person of Jesus to transform from the inside out.
We saw this play out with the religious leaders in Jesus’ time on earth- they got so caught up in the rules that they completely missed the heart behind them all. Sometimes, with the best intentions, we may establish things to help us or our kids grow, but they lose their value when they lose touch with Christ himself.
Looking at the lifestyle of Christ next to this central Old Testament call for parents in Deut. 11:18-20 helps shape the way we should be raising our kids up in the Lord. When Jesus called the disciples to follow him, he didn’t take them to a secluded classroom to teach for the few short years leading up to his death, instead he taught them in everyday, messy, unscripted life, using hands on illustrations and he led by example, showing them how to follow and glorify God.
Sometimes I think as moms, we feel like we need to spend extensive time with a top rated curriculum alone in a room with our kids in order for them to REALLY get it, but I think we should take a step back, and look at the life of Christ and scripture to guide us in our discipleship approach.
““You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 11:18-20
First, what do we observe about this text? We see that teaching our kids about Christ happens as we are going, which echoes the lifestyle of Jesus and Christ’s call to every believer in Matthew 28:19, for us to “go and make disciples”, with the “go” being in a tense in the original language that means “as you are going.” Sometimes we do need to make a big effort to GO somewhere, or make a huge shift to disciple our kids more effectively, but learning how to fit teaching our kids about God into the flow of life, as we are going, is where establishing rhythms of grace comes in. A major theme we see in this Deuteronomy passage is that that daily rhythms are utilized for teaching time.
In our family we utilize time around the table in both the morning and evening, “when you are sitting in your house... and when you rise.” In the morning, we pray, and review bible verses or curriculum we’re using. We love The New City Catechism because they have songs we sing over cereal that helps our kids solidify their faith foundation before they head out for the day. We also use morning time for scripture journals in the summer or breaks when mornings are slow. In the evening, we go around the table and ask each other to share the high and low of our days, and then we take turns praying for each other and thanking God for our day.
We also make car time intentional- “when you are walking by the way.” I pray out loud over my kids before they go to school, and I invite their siblings into it too. We pray over them, lift up worries and struggles, pray for their mission to love others and shine for Jesus at school. We also use car time to listen to worship songs, and Christian audiobooks on longer drives, or to decompress after school.
“When you are walking” also instructs us to teach as we run into unforseen circumstances and situations. We can model for our kids how to love, serve, forgive, or act in ways that will stick with them because it was caught instead of taught. This is how Jesus taught sermons and developed his disciples, and it should be how we invest in our kids, as we are going.
Over the years, this passage has inspired me to be intentional about the way I decorate- “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Finding scripture to hang or Christian sayings is not difficult at all, but choosing ones that are meaningful to you and that you will intentionally point your kids toward in teaching them is important, not just how beautiful they are. Our “family rules” sign ends with the line “all because of Jesus” because that is how we bring all the rules and our why and how back to Jesus! I’ve also dedicated their bathroom and our downstairs bathroom to spiritual themes, one is shine for Jesus and the other is faith being an anchor for our souls. I’ve hung scripture, other quotes/lyrics, objects and imagery to help them internalize these themes. We also have a chalk board in our kitchen, as well as a white board, where I will write scripture we are meditating on.
“When you lie down” we also make bedtime a huge touch point with our kids. Since they were very tiny, we’ve always read the Bible to them while snuggling in jammies, and I pray someday it is such a sweet and nostalgic memory they will want to carry on with their kids. We began with the Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd Jones for preschool and just finished our first read through of the Gospel Story Bible by Marty Machowski, which is for elementary ages and includes more stories, scripture, and great questions. We take time to cuddle with our kids, and this is the time that heart issues usually come up, and we we are able to pray over them and comfort them, and reassure them they are loved and accepted by us and Jesus, even if they are struggling to obey, get along with siblings, follow the rules, etc.
Bedtime conversations have been a crucial time to display the gospel to our kids, even in confessing our own sins and modeling our need for Jesus. “I’m sorry I got upset with you, mommy had a really long day and she needs Jesus just as much as you do! Will you forgive me for losing my temper? Let’s pray and ask God to forgive us both and help us rely on His strength to do better tomorrow.” Evenings are hard too because usually I’m so exhausted and at times tempted to rush bedtime, but since this is the longest standing rhythm in our family, my kids hold me accountable to the Bible reading, prayer and snuggle, it’s not even a discussion, it’s an expectation, and this is a wonderful thing! We both need this rhythm of grace to shepherd our hearts back to Jesus.
It’s ok for all these things to change and evolve over time, things like scripture journals, curriculum, books or songs should ebb and flow, that’s part of life, the goal for us as parents is to create rhythms of grace that we all come to expect to be part of our daily lives. Before we know it, our kids will be naturally initiating conversation, pulling out their Bibles and journals, asking good questions or how they can pray for one another, and they’ll be internalizing it all in the flow of life. This is discipleship. This is shaping hearts and lives in such a way that it will translate outside of our homes into various environments, even college dorms and eventually their own homes someday.
As parents, we don’t need to drown in the daunting task of discipling our kids, or choose to put our faith in our kids adherence to rules, but instead we can daily establish rythynns of grace that continually point hearts back to JESUS.
These rhythms can survive the shifting of seasons and growth of many years, and they will in and of themselves, help shepherd us in Jesus, something rules or rigid schedules cannot do on their own.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Agape Moms wants to learn and hear from you!
Share your answers below in the comments or join the discussion with our Instagram or Facebook community.
1.) What are some of the rhythms you’ve established?
2.) What are some of your favorite resources?
3.) What’s a rhythm that you want to start implementing today?
4.) What’s your favorite scripture that you have hanging in your home and why?
Laura DiLeonardi Founder of Agape Moms
Laura is married to her Bible-college sweetheart of almost 10 years, has three kiddos, and is a self-professed "hotmess rescued by Jesus." Laura's passion is seeing lives continually transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus radically transformed her life in high school, and sent her on a wild ride of loving God and others ever since. Since graduating from Moody Bible Institute with a BA in ministry in 2008, she's been part of various ministries, served in multiple leadership positions, and most recently, took the vision that God gave her for her local Agape Moms and put it into website form. Her mission here is inspiring moms to make disciples as they go about everyday, messy mom-life.