Being Freed
Before I entered the world of stay at home parenting, I worked in banking for seven years where the work I did was evident. Reports written and emails answered. There I received praise for my hard work each week leaving me feeling accomplished. There I was valued and had the paycheck to prove it.
When I became a stay at home mom, that all changed. There were no accolades for changing his diaper well, pumping every three hours, or getting up all hours of the night. No one cheered at how well I was doing. Yet, the demands of motherhood were more difficult than any other job I’ve had to date. By the time I figured out one thing, it would change in a few weeks.
Yet, I would look around and wonder “what did I even do today”. That sentiment seemed to echo across the inter webs, as I saw other stay at home moms defending their choice and its value. There were blogs and groups dedicated to promoting its worth. I joined thinking I would show the world the value of it.
Even in the stay at home mom world, there are worldly expectations for it to look a certain way. There’s social pressure to keep your home cleaned and organized, to make homemade organic meals, and even debate on what baby products and appliances should or shouldn’t be used. Whether or not I breast fed, bottle fed, or baby wore became my worth to other moms. I quickly felt judged. Mothers everywhere do. It is a paradox. I felt the need to perform and to once again prove myself. The world is full of theories and formulas for being the best mom. I remember feeling like I had to learn to let some things go and prioritize.
But God.
He graciously sent other mothers who spoke life giving words to me. They told me of freedom in Christ and modeled it. We celebrated our differences and our unique characteristics as gifts from God. We supported one another and encouraged one another.
All along, I had felt the need to justify myself to others and even prove why they should like me, but now there was no need. The Bible calls this fear of man and tells us it lays a snare. It’s a trap. The visual picture of a hamster spinning on a wheel that never gets anywhere stuck in striving.
In Matthew 11, Christ tells us “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Jesus welcomes us. All who are weary. Who is more weary than a mother? Yet, there was no pre-qualification. He didn’t say when I have a perfectly clean home and well behaved children that I could then slowly inch my way towards him. He doesn’t need me to look a certain way or do anything before I go to Him.
His invitation welcomes you as you are. What hospitality! Lay your burdens at His feet, and He gives you rest. That’s not a trade. That’s a steal. What is in it for Jesus? The answer is nothing. He needs nothing from us. The world tells us that outwardly we need to be the best before we qualify, but Jesus did not look at my worthiness or lack thereof. Jesus loved me first before I did anything. What grace! In Christ, I was valued, chosen, and loved.
What struck me even more is that there’s nothing that I could do to earn my way to Him. If you’re a recovering people pleaser/perfectionist like myself, you are not a stranger to striving. When my eyes were first opened to the futility in it, it was a welcome relief. When the good news that I didn’t do anything nor could I do anything to qualify myself seeped into my heart, it completely and utterly changed the way I live. Instead of wondering if I appeared like a good wife and mother to others, I hoped that my actions pleased the Lord and glorified His name. He had given His life for me while I was His enemy. He was the welcomed answer to my lack.
The beauty of the gospel is that He invites us to rest in His work. We have reached the summit when we rest. It is completely different than what our culture promotes. We were made to rest in Him.
He alone is what qualifies us. His selfless sacrifice freed us from the power and penalty of sin. Though He was rich, he became poor for our sake, so that through his poverty we might become rich. When we repent and believe that we are saved by grace through faith in Christ, we are justified. Period. Nothing can be added to that or taken from it.
When we are motivated by His love, and it frees us! No longer a slave to sin, I was free to serve my family how the Lord equips me. Free to live for Christ and not in futility. Free to love and turn around and show that hospitality to others not because I desperately want their approval, but because I want freedom for them, too.
Stephanie Tanner
Stephanie has been married to Charles for 12 years. They have two boys and live in Summerville, SC. When she’s not chasing little people, she is passionate about studying God’s Word. She cares deeply about bible literacy and encouraging women. She’s a fan of coffee, books, cooking, a good podcast, photography, and gathering around the table with friends. You can follow along with Stephanie’s Instagram account, Freedom in Motherhood as she encourages mothers in the freedom of the gospel.