Fear…its a feeling we all experience at varying degrees from childhood to adulthood. From monsters we thought were lurking under our beds to the what ifs we question over and over as grownups: Fear strikes us all. Moms, I know you’ll agree with me, fear is taken to a new level as we enter and then experience motherhood. There’s nothing quite like it.

When my daughter, Waverly, was born we noticed a quite large red mark that extended from part of her little tush up to her right hip. The recovery room pediatrician immediately called it a “Hemangioma”. We had little knowledge of them, but knew they weren’t serious. We joked about being thankful it was on her backside so she’d always keep it covered when she is teenager! In one of those later checkups with our regular pediatrician, she recommended we see a specialist since it was a little on the larger side. To be perfectly honest, we didn’t put a lot of thought into the spot. We knew tons of kids with a Hemangioma and it was no bother. I remember also feeling a little annoyed by the hour drive to see this specialist. I’d later regret that emotion!

During that appointment when she was less than four months old, we found out Waverly’s spot was likely not a Hemangioma, but instead a rare vascular anomaly (tumor) called Kaposiform Hemangio Endothelioma. Shock ran through me that day and instant regret over being so nonchalant. While this tumor is not usually cancerous, there are some issues that can arise such as platelets being pulled from the bloodstream, rapid tumor growth, pain, among other things. FEAR! Big ugly FEAR!

So the scary process began as Waverly went through multiple 2 hour MRI scans under anesthesia and also a biopsy procedure. Fear was a part of my daily life because of the unknowns! The doctors suspicions regarding diagnosis were confirmed. We’d need to treat it immediately. Another fear…how do we treat it and what side effects would she experience from medication? Decision making as a parent is so hard!

About the same time, I had begun attending Agape Moms at the invitation of my friend, Lindsay. I can’t tell you enough how TIMELY our God is! He placed me there with this amazing group of mommas at just the right time. I’ll never forget the day at our weekly meeting that I told them about Waverly’s tumor. They rallied around Waverly and I in prayer, powerful prayer that can only be spoken from a mother’s heart. Through tears, I explained what was going on.

Across, the room another Agape momma, Jenn, began telling us a story about her daughter who had a similar experience with a vascular anomaly treated with the same medicine we were considering! Her words comforted me and seeing her daughter now running around that Agape Moms meeting room playing was like a confirmation that it would all be okay! If I ever questioned that God orders our steps, our meetings with other believers who can comfort us through their own stories, I no longer did! From there, this tribe of mommas, of friends, continued for pray for us, checked up on us regularly, and continued to minister to my heart! They still do today! I couldn’t be more thankful for them!

To get to the blessing and miracle of this story for Waverly…We put her on the mildest of the treatments as a first resort to see how she’d respond because the other options included a form of chemotherapy and a new drug (I didn’t like the sound of that). Her doctors were NOT confident it would work. In fact, the statistics were not on our side. Since Waverly wasn’t having pain and no dangerous platelet pulling, we went with it anyway. And we prayed…life changing prayer! And you know what…it’s WORKING!! The tumor has shrunk and changed from it’s red angry color to a lighter pink color. She is a walking, talking, 16 month old and doing so well! The story isn’t over. We’re still treating it with medication, going to doctors appointments, getting regular blood work, etc. However, we are so thankful for the progress she’s made and we are CONFIDENT that Jesus is at the center of it all!

We hear it so often in Bible verse, song, and sermon to “fear not”. The Bethel Music song, “No Longer Slaves” says “My fears were drowned in perfect love”. Philippians 4:6 tells us to “Be anxious for nothing…”. I’ve always been a little reluctant to admit fear…because I thought as a Christian it was taboo to be fearful! Its hard to admit fear is our own struggle with unbelief. I’m a work in progress…we all are! The only perfect love is the love of Jesus, so saying that we will never experience fear just isn’t realistic. Each time I am fearful for Waverly or in any other situation, the Holy Spirit covers me in grace. Its all about turning to Jesus! Worry and fear is there, but Jesus’ perfect love is much bigger!

A book that has truly helped me work through fear and gain a more thankful perspective and attitude is “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. One of the things I learned from her words is that “if thanks is possible, joy is always possible”. What a blessing to be able to see Joy in everything when we have Jesus!

Finding Joy in the Face of Fear