“My daughter was crawling by nine months. She was walking one month later and running by her first birthday.” “Mine too” another momma responded. I was sitting in a mall play area as a group of mothers talked about the timing of their kiddos big milestones. I smiled and nodded appropriately. My 18 month old daughter stood by me, holding both my hands.

I wanted to share my story with these sweet mommas but something was holding me back. I didn’t want to tell them about my daughter’s struggles. Or mine. I didn’t want them to judge me. I didn’t want to tell them how I sometimes judged myself. I didn’t want to tell them how my toddler only recently started to sort of crawl. How she can barely walk or stand without holding onto something. I didn’t want to tell them about the myriad of emotions I sometimes feel when children half my daughter’s age hit their milestones first.

At that moment I felt frustrated. I felt sad. I felt like a failure. I blamed myself. I told myself I should have been more observant. I should have noticed my daughter’s head tilt right away and gotten her help for her torticollis sooner.

These poisonous thoughts swarmed my brain like flies. Buzzing and distracting me. Pulling my thoughts away from what is real, and true, and right.

The truth is, my daughter is strong and brave. I see how hard she works to lift her precious little head when she’s on all fours. I see how she struggles during her physical therapy sessions but pushes through anyway. I’m so proud of her and so grateful and thankful. But still sometimes, those negative thoughts creep in.

The truth is, we’ve all been there. We take our eyes off of Christ and immediately our fears, worries, discontent, and inadequacies consume us and pull us down. We all need Christ. All of the time. We can only have true peace, hope and contentment through Him.

That brings me back to one of my favorite scriptures. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths."

I feel so comforted knowing that God has promised to direct my path, and he will direct hers too!

As I look back I see that God has taught me so much through all of this. I have learned to trust Him more, and have faith that His plans and His timing are perfect. I know how blessed we are and I’m learning to praise him through this bump in the road.

I know that my daughter’s life, and each and every step she takes, are in God’s hands. He loves and cares for her even more than I can comprehend. He is in control.

When I forget that truth, the destructive thoughts and insecurities and comparisons creep in. My failures and weaknesses bubble to the surface.

But then I remember who I am, and whose I am. One of my favorite verses in the book of Galatians spells it out.

Galatians 3:26 "For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus."

That says it all. I am God's child. I am loved and accepted unconditionally despite my many failures and shortcomings. Because of all that Christ has done for me, I can lean on Him to carry us through. I am free to believe that God will be glorified through my daughter’s story. I am free to trust and believe. I am free to let go.

God has never promised any of us an easy path, but he has promised to walk alongside us. I know that He is bigger than all of this, and when my daughter and I face more struggles down the road, he will be there guiding us through.

Jessica Hundley.jpg — Jessica Hundley

*Jessica Hundley is a founding member and current leader of the original Agape Moms based in Lithia, Florida*. Jessica loves spending time with her husband Scott, and their toddler Haley Margaret. Jessica moved to Florida from Massachusetts five years ago, and never looked back! She loves sharing the good news about Jesus by telling others how the truth of gospel has radically changed her life.

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